Virtual-Doug

International Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is an old fashioned American holiday.

Except at our house. 

When the food was all on the table and all the glasses filled, Thanksgiving toasts were spoken in four different languages:  Japanese, Slovenian, Vietnamese and English.

Trang and Thanh came over the night before, then pitched in to help Cindy with the food preparation Thanksgiving morning.  One of Trang’s jobs was to stuff Tom the Turkey.  By the way - turkeys are unknown in Viet Nam except in expatriot stores in Saigon or Hanoi.  On the rare occasion they might see one, the Vietnamese refer to them as “western chicken.”

And Thanh really wanted to mash the potatoes.  She needed a little help from a small stool to be able to get good leverage, but she did a great job.

(As always, click on each photo - you'll see a larger version that way.)

By mid-afternoon, the house smelled of roast turkey, pumpkin pie, stuffing from the bird and other yummies.  It was also time for Aya, from Japan, and Petra and her husband Arne from Slovenia.  Cindy’s mother and brother were already here, so we jammed nine people around the table.  Aya and Thanh are in the same year of graduate school while Trang and Petra have both completed their studies and are teaching.  Arne has finished his course work and now writing his dissertation for his doctorate.  The only thing better than the food was the conversation.

Back in the 70’s, Crosby, Stills and Nash sang a song that included the line “And if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”  They meant that in a slightly different context, of course, but many of the folks around the table were away from the people they love - families in Japan, Viet Nam and Slovenia - yet we were able to share a little love with all of them.


But then, of course, after all that eating and talking came the time to clean up.

Relationships

A story in the local newspaper grabbed me.  I’ve been preoccupied during the past few months writing a book about my experiences in Viet Nam -- both experiences - during the war and and again while living there in 2005-06.  Once upon a long time ago, my son had asked me what I would have been like if I hadn’t gone to Viet Nam, but that question was asked before I’d ever thought about returning.  He meant the war, but if he were to ask the question today, I’d have to ask him to clarify whether he meant the war or the country.

There aren’t many Vietnamese living in deep south Texas, so when the story in The Monitor appeared, I read it immediately.  Once again, I was struck by how I was changed by my experiences in Viet Nam - and in this case, by living there as an English teacher.

It is said that if you really want to learn about your own culture, live in another one for awhile.  I learned a lot about my American culture in 2005-06.  I learned how intensely individualistic we are.

In America, older people have a mantra that says “I don’t want to be a burden on my children”, so they live by themselves, away from their adult children.

In America, kids are expected to be out of the house by age eighteen - go to college, join the Army or get a job, but you’re outta the house.

In America, a boomerang kid (someone over the age of 21 who comes back to live with Mom and Dad) is considered a loser.

And - most certainly - one does not ask Mom and Dad for help.  We want to do it (whatever “it” is) by ourselves.

To the Vietnamese, all the above are anathema - you are part of a family and expected to always be a part of a family.  While teaching a course in American Culture to my third year university students in Viet Nam, I started one lecture by saying I was the oldest son, yet my 89 year old mother lived by herself.  There was an audible gasp in the room. In their world, the oldest son cares for his parents.

Though it is changing as Viet Nam becomes more westernized, many homes have four generations living in it.  If I had been Vietnamese, I would not have been caring for my Alzheimer’s stricken mother from 2006 to 2009 - my grandchildren would have done that.  They would have grown up with Grandma around and just considered it the normal course of things to care for her.

As I read the newspaper story, I wondered how many Americans would have said “Thanks Dad, but I’ll do this by myself.”

To the Vietnamese, things are done on the basis of relationships.  Need a job?  Call a distant family member.  Need a loan?  Talk to your family.  Need somebody at your business whom you can trust to do the job right?  Hire someone in your family.  We call that nepotism - they call it smart business.  They don’t separate business from relationships.

So - what would I have been like if I hadn’t gone to Viet Nam?  Maybe I am a little more appreciative of relationships, and a little less prone to think I can do everything myself.

I’m just sayin’

The Eyes Have It

Of course I blame football for my absence.  Its not coincidental that my last posting was in August - that’s when high school football begins.

(Hey - you didn’t expect me to blame myself, did you?  My being gone from the blog for such a long time must be someone else’s fault.)

Here are some of my favorites from this season - chosen because the players’ eyes are expressive.


Here - you take it.  I don’t want the damned thing!

 

 

(Be sure to click on each photo to see the larger version.)

 

 

  Aw - come on - let me have just one more yard!  Please??

Uh oh - - where’d this big guy come from? 



Yuck!!  This thing is wet!











Oooo - this is gonna hurt when I hit the ground.






Which one is your favorite?