A year ago at this time, I was in the process of becoming the legal owner and rider of a motorbike in Việt Nam. Becoming legal meant days on end of trying to navigate the bureaucracy. I didn’t write about the problems at that time because I didn’t want to offend my hosts, and some of my friends were apologetic about the hassles. I guess they assumed bureaucracies are an exclusive feature of Việt Nam. In retrospect, I realize many of the difficulties I faced were simply because foreigners seldom (if ever) bother with things like driver’s licenses in Việt Nam. The dealership where I bought my motorbike had never registered a new machine to a foreigner – and most certainly, the driver’s license people had never had a non-Vietnamese speaker try to get a license. (By the way – they translated my Texas license and decided I didn’t need to take the Vietnamese written test.)
I recently experienced a good example of American bureaucracy. The Mystery Guest Blogger and I shipped a crate a belongings back from Huê. We had tea cups, coffee drippers, ao dai, books – all kinds of “stuff.” We knew the shipper in Huê, and our crate left his office a few days before we left.
We got back home and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
I was to find out that I needed to email the shipping company here in the US. Of course, I had no more way of knowing I was supposed to do that than I knew the right place to get my driver’s license physical exam in Huê. Once I sent them a check (in Los Angeles), I was told I would soon here from the warehouse in Houston.
Yeah - - right!
By this time, it was September – three months after shipping. I got in touch with the warehouse in Houston – after navigating their touch tone phone system from hell – and finally talked to a very nice lady who was very helpful. She told me how to get there, and to bring $40. She even told me that the email I’d received from Los Angeles requesting my “broker’s information” was nothing to worry about. (I have no idea what a broker does.) Off I went to Houston in my oldish Subaru station wagon.
No problem – thanx to Google Maps, I found the warehouse - - arriving exactly at noon and the beginning of lunch hour. So, I cooled my heels for an hour.
I finally met the nice lady whom I’d met on the phone – and the first thing she asked me is if I had been to Customs yet.
“No.”
U. S. Customs was about a ½ hour drive away, near the airport. I swallowed my heart when the Customs Inspector noted that my paperwork indicated the crate was shipped to the Mystery Guest Blogger - - - and he wanted to see her letter authorizing me to pick it up for her.
Oh hell – that would mean a six hour drive back to south Texas, followed by another six hour drive back to Houston with a letter nobody told me I’d need.
But, just like some of the kind officials in Việt Nam, he proposed a workable solution. He called the MGB on my phone. He could ask the right questions on the phone, and then allow me to have the crate clear Customs. Phew! Thanx!
After the traffic-clogged drive back to the warehouse, I had to wait my turn behind all the burly truck drivers who were there to pick up real loads. Finally, my name was called. The exchange of $40, and my crate was released.
Well – almost. The stamp from Customs wasn’t quite right, so they had to call over to get that straightened out.
Now I could get my crate, right?
Sure enough, the fork lift carried it over to my car. The driver looked puzzled and asked “Is this what you’re going to carry the crate outta here with?”
“Sure, once I break open the crate and put the stuff in my car.”
Uh uh. You can’t bust open the crate here. That’s not allowed. You shoulda brought a pickup truck”
I stifled making a smart-ass remark about not knowing to bring a pick up because nobody bothered to tell me, then I just looked at him like the poor dumb idiot I really am. He took pity and said: “I ain’t supposed to do this, coz if my boss sees you doing it, I’ll get fired.” He lowered the crate, and I went to work.
I’m halfway through packing the car when the supervisor of forklifts comes over, wants to see my paperwork – and tells me I ain’t supposed to be uncrating things in the parking lot. He was a bit gruffer than Forklift Operator #1, but finally he too succumbed to the “dumb look.”
I finished, stacked the wood as nicely as I could, then drove like hell to get out of the yard before somebody else found some other regulation I’d broken.
Bureaucracies are.
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