The Funeral

I do not pretend to know all that went on, nor do I pretend to understand all the underlying significance of what I saw.  But, the Mystery Guest Blogger and I were honored to witness the countryside funeral of the elderly grandmother of one of our young Vietnamese friends.  What follows are just my impressions, and I warmly welcome any comments by Vietnamese readers.

Outside of Huê is the village of Tuân.  (The name is misspelled here because the system will not tolerate the diacritical marks needed for correct pronunciation.)  Near the Perfume River, it is an archetypical Vietnamese village populated by hard working farmers.  In the immediate area outside the usual concrete home, chairs and tables were set out for the many visitors.  Like funerals anywhere, it is a gathering of family and friends, and a time for recalling the old times.  In one of the rooms in the house, the casket, flanked by family members, is on display.  It is expected that visitors will light incense and offer prayers for the dead.  The two of us offered our prayers as well, in our own faith, but in accordance with Vietnamese custom by placing incense in front of the casket, then praying aloud while bowing three times.  The normal family altar is seen on the right side of the image, but it is not where prayers for the dead were offered.

In the countryside, funeral “arrangements” are not handled by a funeral home.  Rather, the village leaders take over many of the functions done by a western funeral home, such as arranging for music, the Buddhist monk, and a casket.  Obviously, the viewing of the casket is done in the family home.  Remember that multiple generations live in the same house, so the elderly seldom live by themselves as they do in the west.

Outside the house is an area set aside for ceremony.  Notice the white gauze over clothes worn by the mourners.  These are for blood relatives only – in this case, the deceased’s son was in white, but his wife was not.  The young people are blood kin, so they too wear white mourning clothes.  (Picky detail:  the clothes seem to have a bluish tinge to them – it was caused by a blue plastic canopy that was strung overhead as a shield against the sun.)  Accompanying the ceremony was plaintive music supplied by four musicians in appropriate black garb.

A Vietnamese funeral seems both more formal, yet more relaxed than a western funeral.  Yes, there seemed to be strict protocol to follow, yet while the ceremony was going on, others were at nearby tables chatting with friends.  I didn’t find this distracting nor disrespectful – just different.  The ceremony conducted by the Buddhist monk went on for the best part of an hour.  Note the wireless microphone he is using.  The loudspeakers were set up in front of the house.

This 85 year old woman is the deceased person’s sister.  The MGB took this shot of her being lovingly spoken to by our hostess.  It was a warm and wonderful display of affection.

The actual internment was to happen the next morning at 5AM.  A specially gifted person in the village was consulted as to the best time for burial, and 5AM was it.  Unfortunately, we missed it – not because of the hour, but rather because it was raining heavily.

And life goes on.

(Note:  I apologize for the lack of postings lately.  My laptop has died, and with two of us trying to use the MGB’s computer, my leisure-use computer time is thin.)

Comments

[Tom Murray]

Is it correct that the coffin is closed during the entire ceremony? Was there significant emotion by the participants? Did anyone seem to mind the camera?

[Doug]

To answer Tom's questions: Yes, the coffin remained closed. There is no embalming process, and the heat causes rapid deterioration. There was little emotion shown, but then again, this was a lady born in 1922 who had been in poor health for some time, so her demise was expected. Finally - the camera was not a problem at all. In fact, there was an official photographer present. Probably the presence of two westerners was more disruptive than the camera, but we were readily accepted by everyone.

[Buddhist with an attitude]

In response to the closed coffin question, people normally die in their home in Vietnam (and probably in other third world counties). Relatives and friends can view the deceased at his/her home for a couple of days before the funeral ceremony in front of the closed casket. There is no viewing-at-a-funeral-home.

[Thuy]

I remembered crying at my grandmother's funeral and a buddist family member told me I could not cry. She said that my grandmother's spirit would hear my crying and come out. Then when they put down the dirt and bury her, her spirit would be lost if her spirit wasn't in the coffin when they put down the dirt.

[tuong vi]

Something mistaken in your article,it came out to be this: The fact that the ealdest son's wife was not in white does not belong to the tradition. But it turned out to be also tradition, as there was unexpected thing happened to her, as due to this , she did not have to be in white in order to respect her mother-in-law.And what was it do you think?

[The Hoppy Mailman]

This blog really touched me. What a great photo by MGB. It reminded me of something we would see in LIFE magazine. Sorry about your 'puter.

[Miss Kitty]

Wow. This was really touching and fascinating all at the same time. We can tell so much about other cultures from their mealtimes, weddings, and funerals. (That's just my observation.) Thanks so much for putting this up, Doug. And I will reply to your wonderful e-mail very shortly--I've been out of town for a long time and have just now returned. Thanks to you and the MGB for putting up this entry on your blog. Simply beautiful.

[ThinkingVn]

The comment from Tuong Vi is correct in regard to the eldest son's wife not in white mourning clothes for a reason or many reasons. There two possible reasons that I have knowledge of is the son's wife may not officially a wife or she is pregnant. Some people in vietnam believe that wearing mourning clothes during pregnant will cause the baby to cry all the time after it was born. There are different style of mourning clothes & head gears (even though they are all in white) that signify status of the person in the family who wears it. People from outside would recognize right a way by the style who is the eldest son, eldest grandson, wife/husband, son/daughter-in-law, daughter....Grandchildren will only yellow head bands, great grandchildren will wear red heads band and the first grandson (from the eldest son) will have to wear full "gear" like his father. There're also white head band for the decease's sisters, brothers, nephews, nieces...Funeral in Vietnam is a complicated proceeding and tradition dictates everything. Although the basic proceeding is the same everywhere in Vietnam, other region of the country may have slightly different tradition. After the funeral, there will be weekly mourning and prayers that involve the gathering of whole family, friends, monks, and lots of food for 7 weeks. That will followed by 100th day of passing. From the picture this funeral was not conducted by the Buddhist monk (always wear yellow) but rather by "Thay Cu'ng" (more like a professional prayer, does not have the same credential as monk)

[ThinkingVN]

Correction: Grand children are wearing white head band, great children wear yellow and great great children should wear red head band.